What the hell was that? There were times, watching the opening ceremony to the London Olympic Games, when it was hard to escape the impression that the whole thing had been sponsored by the manufacturers of LSD, or mescaline, or some other potent psychotropic. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to carp or denigrate. I loved it. But it was completely and utterly mad. What must the rest of the world have thought, looking on? At times the whole thing seemed designed to confirm the long-held … [Read more...]
Theresa May, Lord Byron and trying to get out of St Pancras Station
July 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Arriving back in London by Eurostar is a demoralising experience: as the train slips into the glories of St Pancras station, my spirits sink. It's not the slate grey skies or the unrelenting drizzle outside, it's the fact that, as the tourists stop and point at the dizzying vault above, I know what awaits them in the cellars beneath. St Pancras was restored to provide visitors with a grand entrance to London. Not for us the drab greys of Paris' Gare du Nord or Brussels' Gare du Midi, we would … [Read more...]
The Diamond Jubilee…and why Britain’s next King should be a Watermelon
June 6, 2012 by 1 Comment
Take down the bunting, put away the flags, Britain's brief holiday from the grim realities of the 21st century into its royal fantasy is done for another year. For the second year running, the country has come to a standstill to celebrate its strange anachronism of a monarchy, and everyone is congratulating themselves on how marvellously we do these things. But I should like to make a humble submission: that when Queen Elizabeth II eventually passes on, we should replace her with a … [Read more...]
Diamond Jubilee…like a wet weekend in Southend
June 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment
So, that was the Jubilee then. A strange time to be back in London, the streets hung with bunting dripping in the rain, Union flags hanging limp, the skies grey, pictures of the Queen everywhere, the air cold and damp. Just across from where I live, the local pub was festooned with red, white and blue balloons, and there was a lifesize cardboard cut-out of the queen with drizzle running down it. The fish-and-chip shop next door was busy. At one point, some one called for three cheers for the … [Read more...]
A Night in Delhi
May 3, 2012 by 1 Comment
It's late in Delhi and the night is warm. The cool evenings of spring are behind us and soon the burning nights of summer will be upon the city, when the wind blows hot and bone dry. I'm thirsty, but the fridge is empty so I decide to walk over to the shops for some cold beers. Outside, I can feel the heat standing up off the road surface like a wall. There's a power cut in the next block and I find myself stumbling through the darkness. There are big potholes in the road … [Read more...]
The Worst Airport in the World
May 2, 2012 by 5 Comments
News of the outrageous queues people have been forced to endure at passport control at London's Heathrow airport recently reminded me of the worst airport I ever flew into. Because, national disgrace though the UK Border Agency is, immigration at Heathrow still doesn't come close to arriving at Tajikistan's Dushanbe airport, where a customs official once asked me for $5,000 in cash to be allowed into the country. It was 2001, after 9/11, and The Independent sent me to Afghanistan to cover … [Read more...]
Let’s decide the London mayor contest with a wrestling match
May 1, 2012 by 1 Comment
So, Boris or Ken? The elections for London mayor are upon us, and I'm tempted to say we should delay the whole thing a few months and let them wrestle each other for the job as an event at the Olympics. Except I don't think the sight of either Boris Johnson or Ken Livingstone semi-naked and oiled up would be particularly appealing for anyone -- although Boris does seem to have his share of female admirers. In many ways a wrestling contest would be the natural conclusion to an election … [Read more...]
The King of Thailand is wrong
April 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Oh damn! Now I've done it. I can never go to Thailand again. I've just committed a serious crime under Thai law. Just for saying "the King of Thailand is wrong", I could go to prison for 15 years. Thankfully, I'm not in Thailand. Because this is not some anachronistic old law nobody cares about any more. Hundreds of people are jailed under the lese majeste law every year. And King Bhumibol Adulyadej is wrong, to allow his people to go to prison under this archaic, disgraceful law. They … [Read more...]
The World’s Most Overpriced Airport
April 27, 2012 by 1 Comment
So, Delhi airport is to become the world's most expensive for airlines. It's one of those stories you barely notice, just another sign of India's booming economy -- until you stop to think: it doesn't make any sense at all. India's aviation sector is in crisis. Kingfisher Airlines, the toast of the industry a few years ago, is on the verge of collapse, unable to pay its pilots' salaries or its fuel bills, its international flights cancelled, its domestic operations pared back to … [Read more...]
Dancing With the Devil: Rupert Murdoch and Russell Brand come to London
April 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Rupert Murdoch and Russell Brand do not, on the face of it, have much in common. But this week they were both giving evidence to the great and the good of the British Establishment -- Murdoch at the Leveson Enquiry, and Brand at a parliamentary Select Committee -- and I found myself undergoing the alarming vision of the two of them meeting up to celebrate their respective appearances with a night on the town. I saw them carousing the night away together in some of Soho's less salubrious … [Read more...]
